Fall and Recovery

The Fall
I started
dangling my toes over the edge
slowly inching out
until balancing
meant fighting for stability
and I lost interest
in Earthly security.

I never breathed properly
until the air
forced itself
up my nostrils
and exhalation
became
my freedom.

I counted the feet
then the seconds
three
two

The Bottom
It didn't hurt
as much as you think
to hit
and have
resolute affirmations
break apart a body.

It's cold and moist
and I think
some of these sharp rocks
were actually part
of my once accepting
countenance.

I'm shattered
and shivering,
but I feel a comfort
in this metallic
state of gray.

The Rise
Really,
I am a person
and this is a pond
and it was only
a rock I descended from,
or am I tricked into seeing this
from the mirrored abyss
that ripples
with the cast of a fishing line?

Hook in mouth,
tug tight,
make sure
the metal ridge
punctures the uvula-
life won't let you go.

I cast myself
as far away
as my imagination could manage
and when the
line
became taught
as I reached the furthest land
-from sanity-
I felt
a distant self
retract and reel.

I am being pulled from my throat
back into life.
I am choking
on my own blood,
but I'm choking.
I haven't,
despite my irrationality,
stopped trying
to be,
even if being
-for some moments-
means living
existentially.